For Better For Worse And Happy Ever After …..

For better for worse is a pledge made during a matrimonial ceremony, where you pledge your undying love no matter what may happen, good, bad and darn right ugly. But how seriously are these vows taken in this day and age with the choice and options we have. Why do we place so much importance on marriage and the vows said? Do we really mean them? Do we really take marriage seriously?

”Happy ever after doesn’t really exist”

Girls dream of getting married from a tender age, believing that they will be taken away into the sunset by their prince charming. The movies and the books kids are weaned on, brought up reading and watching portray this fantastical kind of love that will sweep them off their feet into a blissful marriage and a happy ever after. But in reality your happy after is never that easy, happy ever after doesn’t really exist. Happy endings exist to an extent, everyone chooses their life partner who is their prince but what happens when that prince falls from his pedestal, when his actions hurt you. Many people disband the love train, but in the better for worse there is no get out clause, there’s no ps, no extra page stipulating clauses that mean you can get a get out of jail free card.

Marriage is often taken on lightly, people sprint before they learn to walk, they get so carried away with this dream movie romance that they forget that we are all just human and we will all make mistakes and happy ever after needs more work than just breezing along thinking everything will work itself out. Everyday life affects relationships and so does work, money and friends. People need to realize that marriage is something you work at even when you hate the person you love, you made an agreement, a binding agreement to love each other no matter what. I think if you don’t try to make a marriage work after vows have been uttered, if you disband at the first sign of trouble in reality you never loved that person at all. Love is something that is unbreakable and something that you give freely, and when you agree to marry someone you agree to make it work no matter what. Call me old-fashioned but I think people should be realistic before they head down the aisle. I have friends marriages who have lasted 6 months, how can people make a vow then to break it so easily! obviously sometimes you have no choice as the other person makes the choice to disembark instead, but at this point you should turn your back for no-one deserves you if they are willing to walk away so soon.

Divorce is branded about so much these days, it devalues marriage as people in the back of their mind know if their partner cheats or fucks up they can get out. But if your partner cheated should you leave, marriage would bind you to stay as it says in the vows: for better for worse, but life is not black and white and there are areas of grey but I think if your married cheating is something that can be worked through. I am not giving the green light for cheaters as I don’t think cheating on your  partner numerous times is okay and I do think divorce is okay in circumstances, but if it happens is it really that bad to give your marriage another chance, really take to heart your vows and really show people marriage vows mean something. In the end the vows that are uttered in the ceremony of marriage have been devalued in time due to the fact people just say them now without really thinking about what they mean, what they entail. For better for worse, in sickness and in health, it means no matter how tough the going gets that together your work through it, that your remember together those fleeting moments of pure love and bliss when you pledged to love each other no matter what. To me for better for worse is the biggest part of marriage that people now fail to really comprehend.

I love my bf and one-day I will marry him for better for worse and I will mean it with every ounce of my being. Marriage to me is the biggest commitment you can make to someone and I don’t intent to do it more than once…….love doesn’t work like that if you really love someone.

Keeping it real or Being Civil…..?

I have decided for a long time now, I hate the term ”keeping it real,” often I feel it is a term in which people use so they can blatantly disregard any form of civil behaviour and just be plain rude and untoward. I am who person does not welcome confrontation, I pretty much hate it, especially the shouting kind. I believe as adults people should be able to work things out amicably and then if all else fails complain miserably to your friends or your boyfriend, or have an adult conversation with the person in question and try to resolve any issues. I feel on a more regular basis people annoy me, people grind my gears and push my buttons, maybe I’ll turn out to be a really old woman in a rocking chair complaining about everyone and everything, like my gran does!

But when does keeping it real cross the line of being just plain rude. Should you keep it real at work? What happens when someone at work grinds your gears, what line do you toe then? Be civil or keep schutm?

To me rudeness is the worst trait someone can possess and I think society has made it okay for people to be rude by promoting this idea that by telling people exactly what you think is honest and anything else is two-faced. By ”keeping it real,” as people now say you’re not being two-faced but in the other hand aren’t you just causing hurt feelings for no reason at all, doesn’t keeping it real make you inconsiderate?

Often in work environments you might come across someone who irritates you, someone who in your normal everyday life you would not choose as a friend, maybe they complain too much, I don’t mind a complainer I just hate listening to someone complain about other people, droning on and on, it brings my mood down and to be frank I hate bitching. I hate it when someone is condescending, like some big fat know it all, who wants to prove how big and clever they are, or someone whose lazy and every questions answered in some languid way, I can’t believe you’re bothering me voice, or someone who complains about you to everyone else but to your face is nice as pie.

I think in the perfect world, agree with me or disagree, it’s hard to get a happy medium when dealing with people you don’t like or can’t stand at work! I think whats best is to be civil, let little issues slide, it’s when the little things snowball or one of their actions really knocks you for six that you take action. I remember one occasion when someone really upset me, I even cried like a child, not my proudest moment I must say. Yes, a grown up women crying at work and I had to say to that person, ‘look you upset me, this is the reason why and maybe you should be more cautious in the future,’ me and that person weren’t friends but we respected each other professionally and managed to be civil, I even liked her a bit by the end of our working relationship, only a bit though.

It’s ridiculous to think no one will ever annoy you so I just learn to take some people with a pinch of salt, I assess people’s personalities so I can decide when they are purposefully being a pain in the butt! It’s a personal decision I think when you think someone has crossed the line, as people are brought up differently so our ideas on what’s right, what’s wrong and what classifies in the darn right rude category are different.

What I have learnt as I have gotten older and I am still practicing to this day, is to be more assertive, you can’t let yourself be walked over! To have your say and don’t let people make you question yourself and your abilities.

One time I did speak out when I felt upset was when I was at university, I felt our university lecturer was not very good at her job, she would miss lectures she organised, organise lectures with lecturers who weren’t in, she would give pointless assignments and she was always late for lecture!. Now she wasn’t particularly rude but when I tried to bring up the issues, to let her know what everyone was feeling, especially with her being an hour late for lectures she got defensive. I was one of the only students to speak out and I think she thought I was being difficult and I wasnt! My education was and is important to me so I did not want it comprised, we had a talk, in the end we resolved nothing. I became quite angry inside at her and found it hard to deal with her in person so I had to reframe from talking to her as I would be rude without realizing, I had to go by motto if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!!!

I think being civil is the way forward, none of this, yeah I am  keeping it real by telling you everything that you have ever done to annoy me, that’s just rude and not constructive. There’s not many people I have a genuine problem with and I think in a situation where maybe that person has belittled you in front of people, maybe shouted or been inappropriate then you can take them aside for a talk.

I don’t think being civil is being english and brushing stuff under the carpet, it’s being a well-mannered person, sometimes it is easy to brush a few things under the carpet, it is just when that carpet gets lumpy you think, maybe I need to iron these issues out!

Was My Degree Worth It…….

When I left University I had a dream as Martin Luther King once said and that dream was to work hard, play hard and live a life where I didn’t have to count my Tesco coupons (even though I would even if I didn’t need to). I had a dream to travel to exotic places with the money I would be earning from my great job and see the world, experience life. I left university in debt, 10,000 worth of debt and for what. I was left with debt that many months I cannot pay off as I am out of work, a debt that just reminds me maybe my degree means nothing, maybe being educated is overrated. Why did I bother doing my degree I ask myself. After years of going from job to job, being let go because the company is going under, or they simply feel you don’t fit in, or even once for burning food, I decided I want a career change. I want to do something more stable. Design is a career which stability isn’t its strong point. I want a job that isn’t the first to be let go in the recession. So I thought I could transfer my skills, get a job in a different sector but here’s the problem, no one wants to take the risk, or they want someone with the right experience. There are plenty of jobs I have applied for that I could do with my eyes closed but apparently I don’t have experience but then where am I meant to get that much-needed experience. People tell you to intern, but I have bills to pay, council tax, water, I cannot work for FREE, I cannot let someone use me as their legal slave as I need to get paid. Money makes the world go round and I CANNOT work for free. I have been rejected for working in high street retailers as I don’t have experience including stores as;

Schuh, Jigsaw, Aldo, Hmv, Paperchase and others. Now tell me something, why couldn’t I do that job?

I have been rejected by people to work as a receptionist even though I worked as one throughout university to get me through. I have applied for jobs in call centres, everywhere you can think I have almost tried.

Now with all those rejections I have become afraid, disillusioned and somewhat fragmented (a word an ex used on me once). I now apply for jobs with little confidence as I am scared maybe everyone’s right, I am not up to the job. I have slowly been beaten down by the recession and the job market  and the lack of helped provided by the so-called government! I had ideas that job seekers would be a vital tool in helping me gain work but all they did was tell me I WAS TOO EDUCATED for any help. I asked for help to get training to get work in other design sectors, courses that would boost my skill set, but because I have a degree they cannot help me. During my time at the job centre I asked why? why could they not just help me get more skills to find a job and their answer was;

”If you were pregnant or maybe had a drug problem or disabled we could help, as we have funding for those people, other than that we cannot do much else.”

So just because I refuse to get knocked-up and take on a drug addiction they can’t help me.

I don’t know currently what will become of me job wise, but all I know is I want out of a career that I sweated years to get a degree for, I want out of feeling like I am a failure, I want out of being poor, of relying on people for hand outs.

I am working in the country as a live in waitress now to save money to head to Australia, I will along the way decide what it is I want to do because I think now is the time to change while I have the chance, to spread my wings, take a break, enjoy life then attack the job market again with renewed energy and hope and maybe when the time comes someone is willing to take a risk, branch out because I do have skills to pay the bills or so I use to think.

Song……..A Woman Scorned

 

I thought love was for the movies

The stars in the big screens

l thought love was romance novels and magazines

I thought love was for other people and that couple next door

I thought Love was in fairy tales

Nothing I had ever seen before

You were handsome and charming

Quite hard to believe

I thought maybe I was just a reprieve

I was hesitant and cautious

And slightly afraid

But I couldn’t stop myself, I wanted to see you more everyday

At first I tried to tell myself, you were just a fling

Just a casual thing

But you had me from the start

You said hello and you caught my heart.

Now you say: Baby it’s not working anymore

I’m confused and a little  stumbled

I never knew you felt this way

You hush me and put your finger to my lips

You state there is nothing to say, life has pulled us in different ways

Hell have no fury like a woman scorned.

You hurt me now so baby

… be warned

You hurt me and I feel it

It’s like a river to my soul

I’m drowning in the current

I need a helping hand but you’ve given up on coming in

I used to be one of those happy people

Smiling on the tube, I’d give up  my seat for anyone

As I was busy thinking of you

In bars and clubs I could say I was taken

A smug smile on my face

I had you to come home to after all this rat race

And you  were always the who told me I was cynical, to have a little faith

You were the one who told me to give love a try

Stop laughing in its face

So now I wonder how I am the one here alone

I’m drinking wine and prank calling you on my mobile phone

No dignity or integrity

All gone in a drunken haze

I’ll wake up tomorrow and I promise myself I am going to start a brand new day

The Grass is Greener

Hi, below is a short poem about always thinking things are better, in life as u get older you soon realize to count your blessings! working as a nurse I am reminded every single day of how lucky I am to have the friends, family and bf that I have. It’s important people to take stock and realize even when times are low you probably have someone to turn to. So when your feeling sad or blue, take a moment to count your blessings and your realize, that person over there may be richer and fancier or have things that you aspire to have; but what really counts is what you can touch and feel!! And sometimes like the poem says….. if you ever reach the other side, it’ll look different and your notice things close up that you never noticed before, sometimes life can be a bit like a mosaic, sometimes things look great from far aware but close up it’s a million different pieces !!

The grass is greener on the other side

The sun shines bright in other lives

The days seem longer

And the dark doesn’t cloud your fears

Everything is a wonder on the other side

Trying to smell the grass that smells so rare to you

Trying to touch the sun before it burns

Oh everything is a wonder on the other side

But the sun always burns if you get to close

And the grass doesn’t stay green the  whole year through

The other side may seem a different world but just ask that person

Who stands across looking to you

Ask him the colour of the grass today you might be surprised to hear what he has to say.

Is The Digital Age Taking Over Your Life……

The Digital age is truly in swing now more than it ever was. The Digital revolution is what happened many years ago, everyone threw away the writing instruments to embrace the new digital culture. Tv’s, computers and tablets dominate many households and without them life would be exceedingly different! Digital media has a huge impact on our lives and we think it’s normal, these days it’s normal to spend 8 hours facing a computer, it’s normal to Facebook chat a friend on the other side of the room. Digital media is so integrated into our lives and we are so immersed into it we’ve lost certain aspects of social interaction that are vital and important and we have become dependant on it.

As as designer I am very keen on digital media and what it has to offer but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that digital media is a double-edged sword, it’s something that I rely heavily on and without it I would most likely lose 50% of my functionality and I don’t like this dawning realisation. Taking a closer look into the way digital media and technology affects our lives I have also found it is for many people a tool used to hide behind, something that is striping away aspects of our personality. I rely on my computer to give me access to the WWC (world-wide consortium) so I can contact friends, email for jobs, job search, look up old friends, do my shopping, book appointments for dinner, book tickets for events and remember people’s birthday’s! I no longer need to go out of my front door to do things, is this a good thing?

“Our life is made up of events

that lead to our story”

People use mobile platforms nowadays to communicate with people constantly through bbm, Skype, Facebook, now I am not saying this is a bad thing as the way technology have advanced so we can stay in touch with friends who have moved country or video call people on the other side of the world is an amazing feat but what I have a problem with is when people use these devices to dump people, attack people, villianize people and ask people out. How did we get to a state where face to face interaction is less valued, where people prefer to end a relationship through a text. This is where I think digital media is affecting us to a level that is unacceptable, are you aware that digital media is stealing your moments in life that will define you, or could change you. If you dump someone by text you are in essence acting a coward, you are using your mobile as a shield so you don’t get the shit that will hit the fan. Imagine if you didn’t use a mobile phone to send a text to dump someone, it would be a whole different experience, maybe not a great experience but one you are letting the digital age steal from you. Our life is made up of events that lead to our story, our personalities are made up of events that happen to us. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger as they say, everything in life is character building, by losing this social interaction to digital media you are losing the chance to build upon your character.

Another thing that I have personally experienced is the friendship fall out through Facebook. To me the idea is absurd, why would you want to discuss issues that affect your friendship through Facebook not face to face? By doing this it devalues your friendship instantly, if someone cared enough wouldn’t they do this in person? Wouldn’t they have the gumption to come to your face to air their grievances? Friendship is about being able to tell your friends your thoughts in person. By using Facebook or email to berated a friend you have issues with you can end up saying things you wouldn’t normally say or even mean as hiding behind this media gives you a fake confidence in your self, things will come across not as intended as email doesn’t have a personality! It may have smily faces and winks but email doesn’t get across what you mean in jest, what you mean in all seriousness, it doesn’t have a voice, email is robotic. People can read an email and take something in a way that was never intended as in email it’s just words, that’s all, which the reader will interpret the way you say it themselves, is that really a good thing? This is where miss communication happens.

I am all for media but just ask yourselves, how much does it affect your life? How much is it keeping you away from having more banter with your friends or more time with your family as spending hours at a time on a computer can be very lonely! How much is too much?

I say to you, take back the power, start speaking to friends and family face to face when times are tough, speak to the bf face to face when you know you must have that argument you know you hate. STOP hiding and come out and let your story unfold, don’t just sit behind a computer and let your life take turns you didn’t intend because an email was taken wrongly or you sent an email that cannot be retrieved.

Reclaim your voice.

Tell Me the Story

Tell me the story

From beginning to end

I’m eager to know how my life ends

I want to know

The triumphs and the glory

The downfall of my story

I want to know

What happened after you

I want to know

What I am meant to do

I want to know

How I am meant to survive

If tonight will end in tears

Everything was perfect

I couldn’t see what was wrong

But you told me I was not looking close enough

And there were cracks on the ground

That we were walking on

Then you said those words

That made my world crumble to the floor

I  don’t understand why I was the only one

Who thought we were worth fighting for

I want to know the future

Know what lies ahead

So there are no surprises instead

I want to know the entire story

If love is part of my ever ending story

I want to know

What I am meant to do

To get one more step

Closer to you

I want to know the future

Know what lies ahead

So there are no surprises

You turned my life around

Made everything I had seem so unprofound

You turned your back

You Closed the door

You Left me for pieces on the floor

I want to know

What will fill the space

From here to there

Laughter or despair

So tell me the story

I just want to know

What the future holds

Whatever happened after you let go

I want to know the entire story

If love is part of my ever ending story

I want to know

What I am meant to do

To get one more step

Closer to you

Tell me the story now or never

I just want to know

The secret of a good life together