What has love got to do with it?

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It is a age old thing that people say sex and emotions get easily intertwined, that feelings cannot help but bring their muddy paws all over your physical relationships. Being single and talking to my single friends, I wonder how many people can actually have sex and not let feelings get in the way.

From my experience men can do it easily; they can have sex with a woman for weeks and easily detach themselves from the situation when needed. I’m not a psychologist or a mind detective, but I often wonder, how the majority of women are unable to behave in the same way as men when it comes to sex.

I believe the reasoning behind peoples sexual antics is down to the way people have encountered it throughtout thier up bringing; Fruedion some may say. The way you are brought up to view sexual relationships and how you encounter them and percieve them are often heavily influenced by family. This influence directly effects how you feel about having physical relationships.
I’m not a predator or raving sex fiend but I believe the act of love can be just that, sex. It can be something we can take for pleasure like cheese, wine and a good bath and enjoy it in that moment; indulge fully. After sex we do not have to pretend we want anything more. I have friends who state they couldn’t do that, that they couldn’t help but develop feelings. I suppose it depends on each individual and thier ability to see the difference between love and sex, as the difference is there.

So you want a sex buddy? I hear people cry; a friend who can agree to being as emotionally devoid as yourself, but at the same time maintain a connection which allows you to enjoy good sex. This is a toughy right?! This is where those muddy paw prints are sneaking their way in, scrapping at the door of your heart, telling your brain, come on girl do not kid yourself.

My Feeling Free Sex Rules

1. Do not date someone past 3 months as the 3 month mark is where feelings start to struggle to the surface, gasping for air, gasping to be breathed life into. Or the other party, tries to project their feelings onto you in hope you feel the same way, therefore it’s best to let them down before you hurt their feelings.

2. The best sex friend is someone you know there is no future with, and don’t let this put you off. There are millions of people in this world, your dream man doesn’t promptly knock at your door and say, “I’m here love!” In a world of international travel, choices and adventures, your dream man might be trekking through a jungle somewhere while your are eating your Cheerios! Chill and allow yourself time. Do not feel guilty for having fun! My favourite saying to someone in their early twenties is, “Now I’m approaching my dirty thirties , I allow myself to not be bothered by age, that stupid little number. That number that has some sort of dictation of where I should be in life. I say bugger off number!” Someone in their early twenties is on a totally different life path than me, maybe they need to do things I’ve already done. This allows you to easily just take the moment and the time together as just that, a fun, sexy exchange.

3. Date the sexy but the boring, as long as it is not boring sex, as then that is a lose lose situation. A boring guy who is great in bed is a win win situation, as you know there is no future because you would rather poke your eyes out with your grans knitting needles then go out for dinner with them. Strictly no talking please. Everytime You meet just pretend your immensely horny and cannot possibly wait to get him home, then you can be saved a eye wateringly boring conversation. These rendezvous have quite a short shelf life but that is ok as that is what we want, right?

4. Avoid meeting his friends and hanging out too much. Go for pub drinks but avoid dinner dates, as people start to label you and it makes removing yourself that bit more tricky. Dinner dates are what people do when you wanna discuss your favourite colour, your hopes, your dreams and your ambitions. We don’t want that remember, so to save yourselves from imparting someone with information that you will regret later, just stick to drinks in the week, avoid to much weekend activity together. Planning Saturday and Sundays together is a relationship thing and if you do plan something off the cuff, that is ok, but make sure it is not because he or you are growing feelings.

5. Did you know that Dolphins and humans are the only creatures that have sex for pleasure, how wonderful is that because sex is pretty awesome right. Since the dawn of time people have been entering into the pleasurable act of love making and in the last centuries women’s views around sex have come on leap and bounds. Sex is not bad, we shouldn’t lay back and think of England. You are not a slut if you want to take part in a natural human act, there is nothing more natural than being naked next to someone. Do not let society norms make you feel bad for enjoying a moment which is ours for the taking. Humans desire to be touched and to touch. Humans desire the pleasure of receiving and giving and it is ok to want that and not have to enter into some mind field of emotion it you don’t samt to; the two things are completely separate. Don’t let the heightened feeling of euphoria after sex confuse you into thinking that you have feelings for someone, their just feel good hormones.

My other rule for women is to not let good sex be confused with common sense in thinking that you could have a relationship with this person because the sex is good. Many relationships have started this way and they fail. Best relationships come from finding that person who really fits you and by finding that person you need to find yourself, so do not rush into relationships because you have a moment of loneliness or fear. Get comfortable with sitting in a room and staring at yourself in the mirror and being ok with that. Get to know the type of person you are and boy this takes time.

But if you do like a guy, go ahead, even if you stumble and fall, each time you get up, maybe it is harder because you feel deeper or more painful because you should of known better, but that is ok, that is a learning curve too. We all learn things about ourselves when we get hurt, but do not let that make you more cynical or adverse to falling in love, because really there is no better feeling. But after a fall, I believe in licking your wounds and tending your soul, so get a sex friend and follow my rules, then one day when you least expect, I hope anyway, someone amazing will come by. Someone that you find it impossible not to text. Someone who is not easy to ignore. Someone who you can’t stop thinking about. Someone who makes you think of them on a Saturday. S womebody that makes you want to hold their hand and imagine skipping gayly through fields. Maybe one day your meet someone that will not be able to stop thinking about YOU, someone that makes YOU feel special, that is what I’m holding out for now, someone who makes me feel like I have been looking for them my whole life.

Seems a big task right.

Well like SJP says, ‘As you drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself lost and when that happens, I guess she just has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda and just keep going. Because some women aren’t meant to be tamed and maybe we just need to run free and someday we will meet someone just as wild to run with!’

Just do not let sex confuse you. Sex and love are not mutual.

Sex can happen any time anywhere with anyone. Love is singular and only comes along once in a while. If we waited around for love we would never be having sex. Life is long so please do not deprive yourself.

So go forth and Be Safe.

Teenagers social media mindset

It isn’t worth trying to change the world, it is enough not letting the world change you

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Growing up is a hard thing to do. Having a younger sister, makes me remember and realise the effort it takes as a teenager not to crumble under social and media pressures. Society has this ideal of perfection which is pushed upon us through television, magazines, marketing and pop stars. It’s a wonder women and men are able to even surface the light of day to show our weary faces?

Fortunately I have a wonderful teenage sister, she suffers from the odd insecurity and self-doubt that surrounds all teens, having arguments in school, being ignored and rejected by your peers at some level. Maybe she doesn’t think the latest boy is cute or want to engage in the general silliness of teenagers, she is very sensible, but I think  growing up with 3 older sisters has given her better coping skills better than most. We constantly remind her how important, beautiful and special she is. She knows that in life there is more important things than what lipstick you wear to school or what boy notices you in science. Obviously on some level she does care but she concentrates on her future mainly. She focuses on achieving her grades to be better. I think coming from a single parent family she has the ethos from my mum and us, her sisters that you have to work hard In life to get the job you love, enjoy and can earn good money in.

Often, she says that she doesn’t feel pretty and I can’t help blame Instagram, Facebook and the media for this lack of self belief. I have Instagram myself but I think growing up in an era without it, it wasn’t part of my social development, so I didn’t base my self worth around how many likes or dislikes I received from social platforms. Teenagers these days grow up with social media, therefore it is impacting their psychosocial development. Now more than ever, youngsters become reliant on self-esteem boosts from Instagram and Facebook to fund their self-worth.
Self-worth should be taught from a loving family unit where they instil the idea of beauty as a multi faceted ideal. This ideal is one that incorporates good manners and treating people politely and learning that the world is filled with people of different creeds, looks and demeanors. They learn that people do not deserve to be judged soley by the way they appear. Judgement happens quickly. I’m as guilty as the next at judging too quickly, but we should be trying harder to teach our teens who live in a world of validation through virtual products, that self-development and beauty is all but skin deep.

We all have worries. I dye my hair and take enjoyment in dressing up to look nice, but over the years I’ve learnt that I can’t get happy by looking for validation from others. I just wish teenagers would learn this too.

Social media should be taken out of kids hands and only introduced later in their development. How can we do that now, when the world is all about trending on Twitter and who gets the most likes on Facebook? We are all guilty so how can we break the cycle of our teenagers basing beauty on the amount of likes they get on their current Instagram photo.

Let us all take a moment and remember that beauty is skin deep.

Mirror Mirror

Poem for all those people who hate their job

Today my friend heather was complaining about her job and how she feels drained. So, I had a moment and penned a little rhyme for her.

I looked in the mirror yesterday;
I was tired, my eyes were grey.
Life and work is tugging at my skin
And dragging me down,
The storm clouds rolling in.
I love to work to earn,
The money I plan to burn.

Why am I here at the office chair
Way past the hour I ever agreed,
Pushing paper, from tray to tray,
Wishing my long day away.

Today I saw myself in the mirror I braved,
What happened to that girl,
Who had inspiration to forge forward everyday,
The smog clouds ate her up;
My horrid boss took my soul
And told me darling girl now, this is mine to hold.

Love Is

I wrote this for my friends wedding and thought I would share with you ….

Love is hard to define,
Like religion and God it’s something we can’t determine.
I can’t touch it to tell you it is there,
I can’t hear it to tell you it is there,
I can’t smell it to say yes it is there,
I can’t see love, it’s not a thing we can all observe through one eye.
It’s not a object or a tangible item to view; love is not atoms or molecules to quantify.

Love is not words to digest and rearrange, love is not for our hands to feel and mould to a clay,
But here today we gather to celebrate love, to watch love unite, watch love make smiles on faces and tears in eyes. Today love has a future in the hands of two, love is being promised and vowed.

No one disagrees love is not here but how?

Love is a stranger in the street,
Sometimes he makes an appearance out of nowhere, takes your hand and says, you were never alone, I was always here, you just weren’t looking, but now you see me and I see you.
From that moment it’s hard to turn away, I’m sure your moment was special and this day will be as special, even more than the day you realised you found your soulmate.

Love is a bond and a energy that words can never describe by the best scholar or academic,
It makes us silly and irrational,
It makes us very high and sometimes very low,
It makes us think that the greatest things are yet to come

Love is there for you through the good and the bad
Love loves you even when you can’t love yourself
Love tells you you are special
Love tells you that insecurities are a waste of time, love says I’m your best friend It’s says relax now, laugh with me, cry with me, joke with me, play with me, Love says be yourself and I’ll be here, Never look behind, trust me I won’t leave, I’m yours forever

So love is a more than a feeling, the word love alone doesn’t even begin to describe the depth that it’s felt.

So who cares it can’t be measured …… Because we measure it with the breaths it takes away,
We measure it with the moments that are frozen in time
And we measure it with the footprints on our soul.

So, here today u pledge together, although romance will vary through the thoroughfare and experiences will come high and low, despite the rocky hills that the road sure has for us, that we shall walk them together, never leaving the other behind, holding hands till the end of time.

Man and Wife

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Do your exams
Plan ur life
Grow up to be man and wife
Grow up to be self assured
With a car and a house

Day in and day out
Everything merges like blurred lines
Feeling blind by society’s demands
Cut away the image of what you are meant to be
Find your soul and learn to just be

Growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey
Maybe I should be wiser
Maybe I should know better
Maybe I should be smarter in love
But I’m still youngish and prepared to be foolish
So join me now my friends
Let’s not settle down
Ohhh growing older everyday
Watching the past fade to grey

I don’t wanna be that person
With the white picket fence
Struggling to breath under routine and apron strings
I can’t bear 9-5 or the city commute
Struggling to breath through the smog and the smoke
Don’t give me a ring or tie me down
Coz I’m not ready to settle down

Growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey
Maybe I should be wiser
Maybe I should know better
Maybe I should be smarter in love
But I’m still youngish and prepared to be foolish
So join me now my friends
Let’s not settle down
Ohh growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey

So I don’t have a mortgage
And I’m not walking down the aisle
Pls don’t fear for me just because society states
I should be settled down by 28

I’m happy to look in the mirror
And see the scars on my soul
One day I’m sure these are the things that will make me whole

London Love

 

I wonder if you see me looking at you
Because I saw you
@ ten to 9 waiting on the Piccadilly line
U shirt was done up tight,
ready for the corporate fight
I wonder if like me
You wish this would all go away
If the train could lead us to a brand new way of life

A day where are shirts are not pressed
And our alarms didn’t wake @ 6
If we did not have see the same old faces
Making tea and small talk to pass the hours in the day
I wonder if like me u wish the world spun a different way.

I wonder if u see me looking at you
Because I saw you at 10 to 9 waiting on the Piccadilly line
Ur shirt was done up tight, ready for the corporate fight
I wonder if your like me
You wish this would all go away
If the train could lead us to a brand new way of life.

The chains of the office room chair
Show on the faces of the morning commuters in despair
When the world is so vast
Why tie ourselves to the grind
The oceans spread out before us
like a blanket on a summers lawn,
The sun is shining on the future, I can see it now, a future where I can roam the world
And I wonder if u see me looking at you
Because I saw you at ten to 9 waiting in the Piccadilly line
Your shirt was done up tight
Ready for the corporate fight,
I wonder if you are like me
You wish this would all go away
Only if the train could lead us to a brand new way of life.

Laying in wait

I’m not cold or hardened
I’m just not sure
I’m uncertain of what love is anymore
I can’t touch it to tell you it is there
It is like a legend, a fable
A story told that’s fades like a wisp on the cold morning air.

I have felt it and embraced it
but now the feelings gone
Once it engulfed me, now it is a haze on the horizon,
sand shifting in a desert storm

I’m worried it has passed me
Rushing through like hurried bodies
leaving me with muddy prints,
Left is just a tiny reminder
That yes love once was here

Sometimes I crave an intimate hand
To hold me not for a second but four
For physical contact to mean something deeper,
something more

But I’m scared of the next person
They have a lot of work to do
I’m not sure I’m ready to commit
to being that person that doesn’t fit

I’m done with taking my feelings and brushing them down,
so when I hurt you
or leave early In the morning
Maybe I don’t take your number or text you back
Please don’t be hurt

I’m just watching my back