It happens to us all when a relationship ends, it is painful, it hurts, no matter if it ends amicably or your the person to end it, it will hurt and the recovery period isn’t set in stone, it’s not like a pot roast, we cannot set a time for our pain to be done, pain demands to be felt and boy does it get felt.
Like a wound in the initial period, we try cleaning it and covering it up, going out with friends, sleeping around, drinking, throwing ourselves into work, but we soon realize ignoring the wound won’t make it heal, the ugly nature of it is still there and if we don’t address it, it will scar.
We can be said to over analzye, often I wonder if this is the downfall of myself, the fact that I analzye and sructinize aspects of aspects till the aspects start to blur, you question your questions and come up with no answers, so in the end, it is best to go with your heart, your instinct, to listen to the nature call of your heart; because we all have a preference, even in the midst of our pain, we kinda know what the best route is, we just know it won’t be easy. If anyone has experience in breaking up you know, it is not easy, you plan your words of hurt, arranging them like a scrabble game, hoping to morph them to words of comfort, but that will never happen, the other person won’t remember the words you wrapped in cotton wool or the nice things you said to pad the fall, they remember the harshness; relationships are like passing out, you don’t remember all said and done in the moment, just the most painful bits, you remember the sharp edges that cut, the blunt force that you felt thud in your chest.
Being part of a break up never gets easier, you just become better at dusting yourself off, better at telling yourself that things will turn out ok, you get better at moving, you know that the pain felt will simmer and that there is hope, hope you hold to get you through the darker days when the light at the end of the tunnel keeps flickering off. As human nature goes, we learn and we learn to know that breaking up means also pulling ourselves together.
Feelings are sometimes hard to articulate, feelings don’t follow a break up recipe, In break ups you feel hurt because maybe they just accepted it, selfishly you wanted them to show you their pain so you could see if you are making the right decision, but his pain is his and he can decide not to share, but it makes us feel unwanted, like he had just been waiting for the time till you ended it. When someone accepts so easily it makes going easier, why shall one person be fighting while the other hasn’t even drawn their sword.
To be fully honest in the past I have had a selfish pain, a selfish pain of feeling unwanted and feeling that after so long why couldn’t I make it work, maybe I’ll just never be happy and never deserve to be. When I ended a previous relationship I thought, what have I done! I have hurt a perfectly good man to find what a better one? that’s the scary part, what is a better man and where is he? where is that person and when will I find him? I’m quite a independent person and I don’t struggle to meet people but a connection through the minds doesn’t come often, so despite the scary abyss that now is the unknown,
I’m prepared to wait for someone who will try harder, for the person that will make me feel not complete as that comes from inside, but someone who brings curves to my edges and a brightness to my spirit.
A relationship should add value, you should not look in the mirror and think your less than you ever could be, you should look in the mirror and think you are more than you ever thought you would become.
So people sit with your wounds and your scars, let them heal and learn to be just be happy by yourself and say, ‘I made a choice to fall in love and get hurt and that is a choice I’m happy with, as the saying goes you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you get a choice in who hurts you and I’m happy with my choices.’
So when breaking up take a look on the inside before searching for someone else on the outside, to love again you need to get back to the you, the you knew you were before the previous person claimed something, you take that back, whether it is crushed or crumbled, and you rebuild yourself, you are not putting up walls you are creating your new boundaries.
So this time now is all
About Me, Myself and I