What has love got to do with it?

image

It is a age old thing that people say sex and emotions get easily intertwined, that feelings cannot help but bring their muddy paws all over your physical relationships. Being single and talking to my single friends, I wonder how many people can actually have sex and not let feelings get in the way.

From my experience men can do it easily; they can have sex with a woman for weeks and easily detach themselves from the situation when needed. I’m not a psychologist or a mind detective, but I often wonder, how the majority of women are unable to behave in the same way as men when it comes to sex.

I believe the reasoning behind peoples sexual antics is down to the way people have encountered it throughtout thier up bringing; Fruedion some may say. The way you are brought up to view sexual relationships and how you encounter them and percieve them are often heavily influenced by family. This influence directly effects how you feel about having physical relationships.
I’m not a predator or raving sex fiend but I believe the act of love can be just that, sex. It can be something we can take for pleasure like cheese, wine and a good bath and enjoy it in that moment; indulge fully. After sex we do not have to pretend we want anything more. I have friends who state they couldn’t do that, that they couldn’t help but develop feelings. I suppose it depends on each individual and thier ability to see the difference between love and sex, as the difference is there.

So you want a sex buddy? I hear people cry; a friend who can agree to being as emotionally devoid as yourself, but at the same time maintain a connection which allows you to enjoy good sex. This is a toughy right?! This is where those muddy paw prints are sneaking their way in, scrapping at the door of your heart, telling your brain, come on girl do not kid yourself.

My Feeling Free Sex Rules

1. Do not date someone past 3 months as the 3 month mark is where feelings start to struggle to the surface, gasping for air, gasping to be breathed life into. Or the other party, tries to project their feelings onto you in hope you feel the same way, therefore it’s best to let them down before you hurt their feelings.

2. The best sex friend is someone you know there is no future with, and don’t let this put you off. There are millions of people in this world, your dream man doesn’t promptly knock at your door and say, “I’m here love!” In a world of international travel, choices and adventures, your dream man might be trekking through a jungle somewhere while your are eating your Cheerios! Chill and allow yourself time. Do not feel guilty for having fun! My favourite saying to someone in their early twenties is, “Now I’m approaching my dirty thirties , I allow myself to not be bothered by age, that stupid little number. That number that has some sort of dictation of where I should be in life. I say bugger off number!” Someone in their early twenties is on a totally different life path than me, maybe they need to do things I’ve already done. This allows you to easily just take the moment and the time together as just that, a fun, sexy exchange.

3. Date the sexy but the boring, as long as it is not boring sex, as then that is a lose lose situation. A boring guy who is great in bed is a win win situation, as you know there is no future because you would rather poke your eyes out with your grans knitting needles then go out for dinner with them. Strictly no talking please. Everytime You meet just pretend your immensely horny and cannot possibly wait to get him home, then you can be saved a eye wateringly boring conversation. These rendezvous have quite a short shelf life but that is ok as that is what we want, right?

4. Avoid meeting his friends and hanging out too much. Go for pub drinks but avoid dinner dates, as people start to label you and it makes removing yourself that bit more tricky. Dinner dates are what people do when you wanna discuss your favourite colour, your hopes, your dreams and your ambitions. We don’t want that remember, so to save yourselves from imparting someone with information that you will regret later, just stick to drinks in the week, avoid to much weekend activity together. Planning Saturday and Sundays together is a relationship thing and if you do plan something off the cuff, that is ok, but make sure it is not because he or you are growing feelings.

5. Did you know that Dolphins and humans are the only creatures that have sex for pleasure, how wonderful is that because sex is pretty awesome right. Since the dawn of time people have been entering into the pleasurable act of love making and in the last centuries women’s views around sex have come on leap and bounds. Sex is not bad, we shouldn’t lay back and think of England. You are not a slut if you want to take part in a natural human act, there is nothing more natural than being naked next to someone. Do not let society norms make you feel bad for enjoying a moment which is ours for the taking. Humans desire to be touched and to touch. Humans desire the pleasure of receiving and giving and it is ok to want that and not have to enter into some mind field of emotion it you don’t samt to; the two things are completely separate. Don’t let the heightened feeling of euphoria after sex confuse you into thinking that you have feelings for someone, their just feel good hormones.

My other rule for women is to not let good sex be confused with common sense in thinking that you could have a relationship with this person because the sex is good. Many relationships have started this way and they fail. Best relationships come from finding that person who really fits you and by finding that person you need to find yourself, so do not rush into relationships because you have a moment of loneliness or fear. Get comfortable with sitting in a room and staring at yourself in the mirror and being ok with that. Get to know the type of person you are and boy this takes time.

But if you do like a guy, go ahead, even if you stumble and fall, each time you get up, maybe it is harder because you feel deeper or more painful because you should of known better, but that is ok, that is a learning curve too. We all learn things about ourselves when we get hurt, but do not let that make you more cynical or adverse to falling in love, because really there is no better feeling. But after a fall, I believe in licking your wounds and tending your soul, so get a sex friend and follow my rules, then one day when you least expect, I hope anyway, someone amazing will come by. Someone that you find it impossible not to text. Someone who is not easy to ignore. Someone who you can’t stop thinking about. Someone who makes you think of them on a Saturday. S womebody that makes you want to hold their hand and imagine skipping gayly through fields. Maybe one day your meet someone that will not be able to stop thinking about YOU, someone that makes YOU feel special, that is what I’m holding out for now, someone who makes me feel like I have been looking for them my whole life.

Seems a big task right.

Well like SJP says, ‘As you drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself lost and when that happens, I guess she just has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda and just keep going. Because some women aren’t meant to be tamed and maybe we just need to run free and someday we will meet someone just as wild to run with!’

Just do not let sex confuse you. Sex and love are not mutual.

Sex can happen any time anywhere with anyone. Love is singular and only comes along once in a while. If we waited around for love we would never be having sex. Life is long so please do not deprive yourself.

So go forth and Be Safe.

Romance, Is It Fact or Fiction

 

Recently it has become very obvious to me that men and women are from an entirely different planet, different creatures altogether. As the saying goes, women are from Venus and men are from Mars.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I think only just this year I have come to terms with the fact, maybe romance is more fact than fiction! queue grieving of lost romantic notion and ideals, time to bury the Dirty Dancing dvds so they can’t make you go all misty eyed, in vain hope that your boyfriend will shimmy over and demand that no one puts you in the corner!

My problem with men, and I am sure it is just not my man, hopefully! It is the inability to comprehend being romantic,  my bf is not quite the hairy caveman type banging his club and itching his crotch, I just think he has some vital piece of romantic DNA missing.

So what is romance? I hear the cry of men. My boyfriend searches his foggy brain for the answer every time I pout and tell him he has not been particularly loving today, or when I watch a particularly slushy, romantic film (starring Jennifer Aniston or Katherine Heigl, Hollywood has a lot to answer for) and demand to be declared love to on the Empire state building or for once for him to choose me over Manchester United!

So lets start with, ‘What is Romance?’

I am sure everyone is different on this question, depending on your level of tolerability for pda’s and someone being in your personal bubble, or the layer of ice around your heart! For me romance isn’t diamond rings and expensive dinners, it is more weekends away full of scenic walks, picnics and hugging on a rug next to an open fire! oops! too many romantic films there ha! but honestly for me romance is making the time for one another, especially in long-term relationships, making time for the other person, without it revolving around what is convenient for you. Maybe a little surprise now and then like a camping trip away, just you two, or a picnic in the park on a sunny day.

For me the most romantic thing is when my boyfriend actually remembers (real back in shock) something I said weeks ago and surprises me with that said thing or date, maybe he remembers my favourite desert and buys it for me when I am having a down day, it is just nice to know they listened and you’re not just white noise between Top Gear and Match of the Day.

Mostly I like it when he holds my hand on the sofa or strokes my hair, I like it when he randomly texts me to tell me he loves me or hugs me for no reason but just because he wants to, I like it when he kisses me on the nose and puts his arm around my shoulder when we are walking. I love kissing, maybe  a little massage but rarely are we women indulged unless there is a ulterior motive for the man. As as the longer your relationship goes on the less romantic people become, so this is a message to all men and boyfriends out there, remember we women are romantic creatures like sunflowers in the sun, remember to pay us some attention now and then, some selfless romantic gesture wouldn’t go amiss, and we’ll repay you, no questions asked.

Maybe one day men will realize romance is not soppy poems and cheesy lines from films, it’s not standing in the rain declaring your undying or overly gigantic gestures with presents and gifts (although nice sometimes pls)  it is just remembering the small things in life are the things that make us women happy, and when you remember our birthday! that is nice too!