Me, Myself and I

 

Goodbye Lover                                                                    Me, myself and I

It happens to us all when a relationship ends, it is painful, it hurts, no matter if it ends amicably or your the person to end it, it will hurt and the recovery period isn’t set in stone, it’s not like a pot roast, we cannot set a time for our pain to be done, pain demands to be felt and boy does it get felt.
Like a wound in the initial period, we try cleaning it and covering it up, going out with friends, sleeping around, drinking, throwing ourselves into work, but we soon realize ignoring the wound won’t make it heal, the ugly nature of it is still there and if we don’t address it, it will scar.
We can be said to over analzye, often I wonder if this is the downfall of myself, the fact that I analzye and sructinize aspects of aspects till the aspects start to blur, you question your questions and come up with no answers, so in the end, it is best to go with your heart, your instinct, to listen to the nature call of your heart; because we all have a preference, even in the midst of our pain, we kinda know what the best route is, we just know it won’t be easy. If anyone has experience in breaking up you know, it is not easy, you plan your words of hurt, arranging them like a scrabble game, hoping to morph them to words of comfort, but that will never happen, the other person won’t remember the words you wrapped in cotton wool or the nice things you said to pad the fall, they remember the harshness; relationships are like passing out, you don’t remember all said and done in the moment, just the most painful bits, you remember the sharp edges that cut, the blunt force that you felt thud in your chest.

Being part of a break up never gets easier, you just become better at dusting yourself off, better at telling yourself that things will turn out ok, you get better at moving, you know that the pain felt will simmer and that there is hope, hope you hold to get you through the darker days when the light at the end of the tunnel keeps flickering off. As human nature goes, we learn and we learn to know that breaking up means also pulling ourselves together.

Feelings are sometimes hard to articulate, feelings don’t follow a break up recipe, In break ups you feel hurt because maybe they just accepted it, selfishly you wanted them to show you their pain so you could see if you are making the right decision, but his pain is his and he can decide not to share, but it makes us feel unwanted, like he had just been waiting for the time till you ended it. When someone accepts so easily it makes going easier, why shall one person be fighting while the other hasn’t even drawn their sword.
To be fully honest in the past I have had a selfish pain, a selfish pain of feeling unwanted and feeling that after so long why couldn’t I make it work, maybe I’ll just never be happy and never deserve to be. When I ended a previous relationship I thought, what have I done! I have hurt a perfectly good man to find what a better one? that’s the scary part, what is a better man and where is he? where is that person and when will I find him? I’m quite a independent person and I don’t struggle to meet people but a connection through the minds doesn’t come often, so despite the scary abyss that now is the unknown,
I’m prepared to wait for someone who will try harder, for the person that will make me feel not complete as that comes from inside, but someone who brings curves to my edges and a brightness to my spirit.
A relationship should add value, you should not look in the mirror and think your less than you ever could be, you should look in the mirror and think you are more than you ever thought you would become.
So people sit with your wounds and your scars, let them heal and learn to be just be happy by yourself and say, ‘I made a choice to fall in love and get hurt and that is a choice I’m happy with, as the saying goes you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you get a choice in who hurts you and I’m happy with my choices.’
So when breaking up take a look on the inside before searching for someone else on the outside, to love again you need to get back to the you, the you knew you were before the previous person claimed something, you take that back, whether it is crushed or crumbled, and you rebuild yourself, you are not putting up walls you are creating your new boundaries.

So this time now is all
About Me, Myself and I

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Love – A note of Love

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Life and love come hand in hand, the path of course to find love is a tricky one, it is fraught with notions, ideas, emotions, tempers, ideals, dreams, needs, wants, fragility and so much more, the path travelled is worn, never a dusty road on the journey that we travel call love. Love comes to many people at different stages in ones life, sometimes it creeps up on us, sometimes it happens all at once, sometimes we fall in love to fall out of love, some loves are transient and some seem like they were meant to last, some loves are young loves, and some loves aren’t loves at all, some loves are but building blocks or pieces to a puzzle, because one day after trails and tribulations, we will see and say, ‘now that is love and I want that love,’ But first my friend it must be found.

Like a needle in a haystack true love is hard to find, I’m not talking handsome men on white horses and love at first sight, I mean the love that comes in finding that person, they might have flaws aplenty, but they understand and they laugh with you, they don’t care that you don’t look your best always and that you are not your best person all the time, they appreciate you and they have fun with you, true love isn’t between the sheets but between the minds, it’s between the glances of looking in each other’s souls and loving each other anyway.

Teenagers social media mindset

It isn’t worth trying to change the world, it is enough not letting the world change you

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Growing up is a hard thing to do. Having a younger sister, makes me remember and realise the effort it takes as a teenager not to crumble under social and media pressures. Society has this ideal of perfection which is pushed upon us through television, magazines, marketing and pop stars. It’s a wonder women and men are able to even surface the light of day to show our weary faces?

Fortunately I have a wonderful teenage sister, she suffers from the odd insecurity and self-doubt that surrounds all teens, having arguments in school, being ignored and rejected by your peers at some level. Maybe she doesn’t think the latest boy is cute or want to engage in the general silliness of teenagers, she is very sensible, but I think  growing up with 3 older sisters has given her better coping skills better than most. We constantly remind her how important, beautiful and special she is. She knows that in life there is more important things than what lipstick you wear to school or what boy notices you in science. Obviously on some level she does care but she concentrates on her future mainly. She focuses on achieving her grades to be better. I think coming from a single parent family she has the ethos from my mum and us, her sisters that you have to work hard In life to get the job you love, enjoy and can earn good money in.

Often, she says that she doesn’t feel pretty and I can’t help blame Instagram, Facebook and the media for this lack of self belief. I have Instagram myself but I think growing up in an era without it, it wasn’t part of my social development, so I didn’t base my self worth around how many likes or dislikes I received from social platforms. Teenagers these days grow up with social media, therefore it is impacting their psychosocial development. Now more than ever, youngsters become reliant on self-esteem boosts from Instagram and Facebook to fund their self-worth.
Self-worth should be taught from a loving family unit where they instil the idea of beauty as a multi faceted ideal. This ideal is one that incorporates good manners and treating people politely and learning that the world is filled with people of different creeds, looks and demeanors. They learn that people do not deserve to be judged soley by the way they appear. Judgement happens quickly. I’m as guilty as the next at judging too quickly, but we should be trying harder to teach our teens who live in a world of validation through virtual products, that self-development and beauty is all but skin deep.

We all have worries. I dye my hair and take enjoyment in dressing up to look nice, but over the years I’ve learnt that I can’t get happy by looking for validation from others. I just wish teenagers would learn this too.

Social media should be taken out of kids hands and only introduced later in their development. How can we do that now, when the world is all about trending on Twitter and who gets the most likes on Facebook? We are all guilty so how can we break the cycle of our teenagers basing beauty on the amount of likes they get on their current Instagram photo.

Let us all take a moment and remember that beauty is skin deep.

Mirror Mirror

Poem for all those people who hate their job

Today my friend heather was complaining about her job and how she feels drained. So, I had a moment and penned a little rhyme for her.

I looked in the mirror yesterday;
I was tired, my eyes were grey.
Life and work is tugging at my skin
And dragging me down,
The storm clouds rolling in.
I love to work to earn,
The money I plan to burn.

Why am I here at the office chair
Way past the hour I ever agreed,
Pushing paper, from tray to tray,
Wishing my long day away.

Today I saw myself in the mirror I braved,
What happened to that girl,
Who had inspiration to forge forward everyday,
The smog clouds ate her up;
My horrid boss took my soul
And told me darling girl now, this is mine to hold.

Man and Wife

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Do your exams
Plan ur life
Grow up to be man and wife
Grow up to be self assured
With a car and a house

Day in and day out
Everything merges like blurred lines
Feeling blind by society’s demands
Cut away the image of what you are meant to be
Find your soul and learn to just be

Growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey
Maybe I should be wiser
Maybe I should know better
Maybe I should be smarter in love
But I’m still youngish and prepared to be foolish
So join me now my friends
Let’s not settle down
Ohhh growing older everyday
Watching the past fade to grey

I don’t wanna be that person
With the white picket fence
Struggling to breath under routine and apron strings
I can’t bear 9-5 or the city commute
Struggling to breath through the smog and the smoke
Don’t give me a ring or tie me down
Coz I’m not ready to settle down

Growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey
Maybe I should be wiser
Maybe I should know better
Maybe I should be smarter in love
But I’m still youngish and prepared to be foolish
So join me now my friends
Let’s not settle down
Ohh growing older everyday
Watching as the past fades to grey

So I don’t have a mortgage
And I’m not walking down the aisle
Pls don’t fear for me just because society states
I should be settled down by 28

I’m happy to look in the mirror
And see the scars on my soul
One day I’m sure these are the things that will make me whole

London Love

 

I wonder if you see me looking at you
Because I saw you
@ ten to 9 waiting on the Piccadilly line
U shirt was done up tight,
ready for the corporate fight
I wonder if like me
You wish this would all go away
If the train could lead us to a brand new way of life

A day where are shirts are not pressed
And our alarms didn’t wake @ 6
If we did not have see the same old faces
Making tea and small talk to pass the hours in the day
I wonder if like me u wish the world spun a different way.

I wonder if u see me looking at you
Because I saw you at 10 to 9 waiting on the Piccadilly line
Ur shirt was done up tight, ready for the corporate fight
I wonder if your like me
You wish this would all go away
If the train could lead us to a brand new way of life.

The chains of the office room chair
Show on the faces of the morning commuters in despair
When the world is so vast
Why tie ourselves to the grind
The oceans spread out before us
like a blanket on a summers lawn,
The sun is shining on the future, I can see it now, a future where I can roam the world
And I wonder if u see me looking at you
Because I saw you at ten to 9 waiting in the Piccadilly line
Your shirt was done up tight
Ready for the corporate fight,
I wonder if you are like me
You wish this would all go away
Only if the train could lead us to a brand new way of life.

Today at work ……

Today I thought that I didn’t want to be a nurse

 

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I saw a child cry and her parents weep, I saw sadness that was beyond skin deep.
I saw the inside of someone’s soul today,
There was no turning away,
I held their hand, as the surgeon said
She has 20 per cent chance to make it through
So when she went to surgery I prayed with you.
The hours stretched like the horizon on the sea, endless and boundless,
No eye can see, I prepared and worried and hoped the best for you
But she came back sicker than we thought, you all had a battle
That was only starting to be fought.

So I worked for hours no break you see, I had no time between infusions and fluids, medications and fears, holding out tissues for falling tears.
I’m here to untangle the medical jargon that the surgeons and doctors say,
So u know how your child is doing today;
Is the adrenaline off, have we weaned her vent,
All this questions never relent
You pray to god as the world goes by; down there they don’t realize up here someone might die

So you thank me for my shift, say hope to see you tomorrow.
All I can think is, what did I do today?
I kept your daughter alive for maybe a day more, I kept her comfortable maybe no more, I wish my power extended beyond that, I wish I could magic all things right
But I’m just a nurse, no magically skills and when thank me I feel like a fraud because ur child’s still ill.