Love and Other things . . .

“Sometimes you make choices, and sometimes choices make you.”
                                   – Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Lately I have been wondering what is it that attracts you to someone? What is it that draws you to someone over someone else? So, I pose the likely already discussed question, ‘What is attraction?’

Is attraction conscious or subconscious? (I am a very deep person). These sensations that we label feelings of attraction are we able to control them or do they control us? Are we attractions puppet? Are we even in control? When we are attracted to another being, be that male, female or transgender is it because our body is responding to that person subconsciously? Do we play no part in the first step where we decide someone is attractive or is that already decided for us by our own body? Are we not the masters of our thoughts like we so often like to think? When we first meet someone do we consciously make the choice to fancy them, or is our sneaky subconscious already making moves and we are just slow on the up take? My opinion whether you regard it or not is we never make the decision of who we are sexually attracted to, that decision is determined for us. We just consciously decide whether to act on those decisions. It is unconscious attraction until you realise it, which statistically is within 3 seconds of meeting someone (facts however loose found on google aka the bible) and once realisation dawns on you then you have a choice to consciously act upon this sexual attraction. This act of consciously showing our attraction is the part that is the hardest for people to act on. Especially us reserved English because off the fear of having to eat that shame sandwich of rejection which no one welcomes, as no one likes to chow down on humiliation and rejection all in one go.

Our body is an indicator for our dislikes and our likes. When we meet someone our body tells us whether we like them. When we are too cold our body informs us. When we are too hot we sweat. When we our hungry our belly growls. Our body is constantly telling us what we need to do to keep it chugging along. Attraction isn’t a choice we make it is something our body reacts to like the taste of pralines and ice cream (I love it). Loving that ice cream is a reaction from my body telling me, ‘Eat more it’s good,’ which I consciously then eat the whole tub; no ones making me do that. We are like mere puppets being strung by something we cannot see. Feelings are reactions to a pleasing stimuli, which we can control only after they have been thought. It seems silly to me to say we are able to control our thoughts that pop into our minds. The control we do have is choice, we can choose to suppress them or act upon them.

All this deeper stuff that I am waffling on about intrigues me. Could ending up with someone just be your destiny. Though I beg the question, ‘What is destiny?.’ Apart from Destiny being a popular American girl group I tend to lean-to the side that people made up the word destiny. People label things they don’t understand or cannot fully grasp, instead of just accepting the fact that in reality we are not in control of our lives. Choosing to be with someone, that’s your choice. Choosing what job you accept is in your control. These are decisions you made. Or are they? In reality how do you know you haven’t made an unconscious decision, as you may have acted on instinct when you accepted the job because it felt right, or dated that guy because for some reason you just clicked. Were they subconscious/conscious decisions you made (mind twister). If we went with gut feelings would we be being living unconsciously and those who did not are living more consciously? These are just my interpretations of what I feel, what I see and what I have been mulling over in my mind. I could be sprouting allot of dribbling, but really how much control do we really have over who we are and what we become?

This blog was essentially a tirade of questions, do you feel attacked? Do you feel I have left you with little answers? Do you feel cheated? The answers you can gather for yourself, take a question and start a dinner table discussion. Are we ever really in control?



Romance, Is It Fact or Fiction


Recently it has become very obvious to me that men and women are from an entirely different planet, different creatures altogether. As the saying goes, women are from Venus and men are from Mars.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I think only just this year I have come to terms with the fact, maybe romance is more fact than fiction! queue grieving of lost romantic notion and ideals, time to bury the Dirty Dancing dvds so they can’t make you go all misty eyed, in vain hope that your boyfriend will shimmy over and demand that no one puts you in the corner!

My problem with men, and I am sure it is just not my man, hopefully! It is the inability to comprehend being romantic,  my bf is not quite the hairy caveman type banging his club and itching his crotch, I just think he has some vital piece of romantic DNA missing.

So what is romance? I hear the cry of men. My boyfriend searches his foggy brain for the answer every time I pout and tell him he has not been particularly loving today, or when I watch a particularly slushy, romantic film (starring Jennifer Aniston or Katherine Heigl, Hollywood has a lot to answer for) and demand to be declared love to on the Empire state building or for once for him to choose me over Manchester United!

So lets start with, ‘What is Romance?’

I am sure everyone is different on this question, depending on your level of tolerability for pda’s and someone being in your personal bubble, or the layer of ice around your heart! For me romance isn’t diamond rings and expensive dinners, it is more weekends away full of scenic walks, picnics and hugging on a rug next to an open fire! oops! too many romantic films there ha! but honestly for me romance is making the time for one another, especially in long-term relationships, making time for the other person, without it revolving around what is convenient for you. Maybe a little surprise now and then like a camping trip away, just you two, or a picnic in the park on a sunny day.

For me the most romantic thing is when my boyfriend actually remembers (real back in shock) something I said weeks ago and surprises me with that said thing or date, maybe he remembers my favourite desert and buys it for me when I am having a down day, it is just nice to know they listened and you’re not just white noise between Top Gear and Match of the Day.

Mostly I like it when he holds my hand on the sofa or strokes my hair, I like it when he randomly texts me to tell me he loves me or hugs me for no reason but just because he wants to, I like it when he kisses me on the nose and puts his arm around my shoulder when we are walking. I love kissing, maybe  a little massage but rarely are we women indulged unless there is a ulterior motive for the man. As as the longer your relationship goes on the less romantic people become, so this is a message to all men and boyfriends out there, remember we women are romantic creatures like sunflowers in the sun, remember to pay us some attention now and then, some selfless romantic gesture wouldn’t go amiss, and we’ll repay you, no questions asked.

Maybe one day men will realize romance is not soppy poems and cheesy lines from films, it’s not standing in the rain declaring your undying or overly gigantic gestures with presents and gifts (although nice sometimes pls)  it is just remembering the small things in life are the things that make us women happy, and when you remember our birthday! that is nice too!

Love Is……

They say love is blind,

love is for the foolish,

love makes the world go round,

but what is love really but an emotion felt differently.

Who can pin point it exactly, mark it for what it is,

how does anyone know what love is.

People say it daily without thought or action,

slips off the tongue so easily it can be mistaken,

said in the split of a second, years of repercussion.

Love is indescribable.