I am angry at you for just letting go
Slipping through your fingers
Time and memories sinking through the fog
I know I am the one who forced the goodbyes
But I suppose I thought you would at least try
You say you have some growing up to do
Maybe you are not wrong
It is just a shame you used our time as a practice run
I never demanded or asked too much
I was the cool girlfriend
But maybe at times I was something I was not
I gave you pieces of me,
I compromised in the name of love
but in my head I always thought,
I gave away too much
Then you say, you are not sure
Those words slice,
Cut through my heart
You say I deserve the best
Well I thought the best was you
But now I’m sure
I deserve more.
Years of my life feel like a waiting room
Looking back , I know we held on too long
Now I am tending the cuts and bruises on my hands and my soul
One day these wounds won’t feel so fresh or so deep
And one day I will be able to look at a man the way I used to look at you
But at times I am not sure I will ever be that girl again
Who falls in love so blindly
Throws caution to the wind
Now I have built some walls, for the next person that ventures in.
Today I thought that I didn’t want to be a nurse
I saw a child cry and her parents weep, I saw sadness that was beyond skin deep.
I saw the inside of someone’s soul today,
There was no turning away,
I held their hand, as the surgeon said
She has 20 per cent chance to make it through
So when she went to surgery I prayed with you.
The hours stretched like the horizon on the sea, endless and boundless,
No eye can see, I prepared and worried and hoped the best for you
But she came back sicker than we thought, you all had a battle
That was only starting to be fought.
So I worked for hours no break you see, I had no time between infusions and fluids, medications and fears, holding out tissues for falling tears.
I’m here to untangle the medical jargon that the surgeons and doctors say,
So u know how your child is doing today;
Is the adrenaline off, have we weaned her vent,
All this questions never relent
You pray to god as the world goes by; down there they don’t realize up here someone might die
So you thank me for my shift, say hope to see you tomorrow.
All I can think is, what did I do today?
I kept your daughter alive for maybe a day more, I kept her comfortable maybe no more, I wish my power extended beyond that, I wish I could magic all things right
But I’m just a nurse, no magically skills and when thank me I feel like a fraud because ur child’s still ill.