What has love got to do with it?


It is a age old thing that people say sex and emotions get easily intertwined, that feelings cannot help but bring their muddy paws all over your physical relationships. Being single and talking to my single friends, I wonder how many people can actually have sex and not let feelings get in the way.

From my experience men can do it easily; they can have sex with a woman for weeks and easily detach themselves from the situation when needed. I’m not a psychologist or a mind detective, but I often wonder, how the majority of women are unable to behave in the same way as men when it comes to sex.

I believe the reasoning behind peoples sexual antics is down to the way people have encountered it throughtout thier up bringing; Fruedion some may say. The way you are brought up to view sexual relationships and how you encounter them and percieve them are often heavily influenced by family. This influence directly effects how you feel about having physical relationships.
I’m not a predator or raving sex fiend but I believe the act of love can be just that, sex. It can be something we can take for pleasure like cheese, wine and a good bath and enjoy it in that moment; indulge fully. After sex we do not have to pretend we want anything more. I have friends who state they couldn’t do that, that they couldn’t help but develop feelings. I suppose it depends on each individual and thier ability to see the difference between love and sex, as the difference is there.

So you want a sex buddy? I hear people cry; a friend who can agree to being as emotionally devoid as yourself, but at the same time maintain a connection which allows you to enjoy good sex. This is a toughy right?! This is where those muddy paw prints are sneaking their way in, scrapping at the door of your heart, telling your brain, come on girl do not kid yourself.

My Feeling Free Sex Rules

1. Do not date someone past 3 months as the 3 month mark is where feelings start to struggle to the surface, gasping for air, gasping to be breathed life into. Or the other party, tries to project their feelings onto you in hope you feel the same way, therefore it’s best to let them down before you hurt their feelings.

2. The best sex friend is someone you know there is no future with, and don’t let this put you off. There are millions of people in this world, your dream man doesn’t promptly knock at your door and say, “I’m here love!” In a world of international travel, choices and adventures, your dream man might be trekking through a jungle somewhere while your are eating your Cheerios! Chill and allow yourself time. Do not feel guilty for having fun! My favourite saying to someone in their early twenties is, “Now I’m approaching my dirty thirties , I allow myself to not be bothered by age, that stupid little number. That number that has some sort of dictation of where I should be in life. I say bugger off number!” Someone in their early twenties is on a totally different life path than me, maybe they need to do things I’ve already done. This allows you to easily just take the moment and the time together as just that, a fun, sexy exchange.

3. Date the sexy but the boring, as long as it is not boring sex, as then that is a lose lose situation. A boring guy who is great in bed is a win win situation, as you know there is no future because you would rather poke your eyes out with your grans knitting needles then go out for dinner with them. Strictly no talking please. Everytime You meet just pretend your immensely horny and cannot possibly wait to get him home, then you can be saved a eye wateringly boring conversation. These rendezvous have quite a short shelf life but that is ok as that is what we want, right?

4. Avoid meeting his friends and hanging out too much. Go for pub drinks but avoid dinner dates, as people start to label you and it makes removing yourself that bit more tricky. Dinner dates are what people do when you wanna discuss your favourite colour, your hopes, your dreams and your ambitions. We don’t want that remember, so to save yourselves from imparting someone with information that you will regret later, just stick to drinks in the week, avoid to much weekend activity together. Planning Saturday and Sundays together is a relationship thing and if you do plan something off the cuff, that is ok, but make sure it is not because he or you are growing feelings.

5. Did you know that Dolphins and humans are the only creatures that have sex for pleasure, how wonderful is that because sex is pretty awesome right. Since the dawn of time people have been entering into the pleasurable act of love making and in the last centuries women’s views around sex have come on leap and bounds. Sex is not bad, we shouldn’t lay back and think of England. You are not a slut if you want to take part in a natural human act, there is nothing more natural than being naked next to someone. Do not let society norms make you feel bad for enjoying a moment which is ours for the taking. Humans desire to be touched and to touch. Humans desire the pleasure of receiving and giving and it is ok to want that and not have to enter into some mind field of emotion it you don’t samt to; the two things are completely separate. Don’t let the heightened feeling of euphoria after sex confuse you into thinking that you have feelings for someone, their just feel good hormones.

My other rule for women is to not let good sex be confused with common sense in thinking that you could have a relationship with this person because the sex is good. Many relationships have started this way and they fail. Best relationships come from finding that person who really fits you and by finding that person you need to find yourself, so do not rush into relationships because you have a moment of loneliness or fear. Get comfortable with sitting in a room and staring at yourself in the mirror and being ok with that. Get to know the type of person you are and boy this takes time.

But if you do like a guy, go ahead, even if you stumble and fall, each time you get up, maybe it is harder because you feel deeper or more painful because you should of known better, but that is ok, that is a learning curve too. We all learn things about ourselves when we get hurt, but do not let that make you more cynical or adverse to falling in love, because really there is no better feeling. But after a fall, I believe in licking your wounds and tending your soul, so get a sex friend and follow my rules, then one day when you least expect, I hope anyway, someone amazing will come by. Someone that you find it impossible not to text. Someone who is not easy to ignore. Someone who you can’t stop thinking about. Someone who makes you think of them on a Saturday. S womebody that makes you want to hold their hand and imagine skipping gayly through fields. Maybe one day your meet someone that will not be able to stop thinking about YOU, someone that makes YOU feel special, that is what I’m holding out for now, someone who makes me feel like I have been looking for them my whole life.

Seems a big task right.

Well like SJP says, ‘As you drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself lost and when that happens, I guess she just has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda and just keep going. Because some women aren’t meant to be tamed and maybe we just need to run free and someday we will meet someone just as wild to run with!’

Just do not let sex confuse you. Sex and love are not mutual.

Sex can happen any time anywhere with anyone. Love is singular and only comes along once in a while. If we waited around for love we would never be having sex. Life is long so please do not deprive yourself.

So go forth and Be Safe.

Take Me Out or Shoot Me Now!!!

I mentioned in a previous blog that for the last 2 yrs I have been without a tv…. shock horror. I have managed to survive much to others utter disbelief. What do I do? I can hear their minds wonder!!! When they gasp and say, ‘but what do you do in the evenings?’ I simply smile a smug look of superiority and bathe in my intellectual air and say, ‘I read, mainly.’

I am not normally smug or superior, but I do feel kinda cool simply stating that I am a human and yes that is right I don’t solely really on my entertainment needs through tv. I like to think people look at me with an air of mystery! I am sure they are thinking that I sit in my flat reading Shakespeare and contemplating Keats, maybe they imagine me sitting reading Stephen Hawkins, contemplating the meaning of life.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmp………… Not quite

There is no need to tell them that I’m actually in my flat watching back to back episodes of Glee and the most Highbrow book I own is the dusty one in my attic, that my teacher made me read for my GCSEs. I shan’t confess what I am really doing is the surfing the net, updating my Asos wish list and buffering the next episode of Top Model,  that would make me sound far to normal.

I have been staying at my friend’s house recently, I am off travelling for a while so at the moment friends are kindly letting me sofa surf. I have been introduced to the world of Sky tv, channels and channels of crap… oh geez Louise it’s great!!! Come Dine with Me, Wanted Down Under, The X Factor! It so mind-boggling to choose what to watch, then my friend told me about the planner thing, you can record, pause, fast forward, it’s a miracle! Apart from The X Factor, don’t judge me, just look at me smugly and say, I don’t watch that! and I shall imagine you engaging in intelligent economical conversation over a 3 course meal with your bookish friends. I like to also watch Take Me Out. Top class  Saturday night tv I hear you say.

Well unlike Deal or No Deal which makes me wish Mr Blobby sat on Noel Edmonds when he had the chance. Take Me Out doesn’t purely make me want to switch off, I am in trouble, I love and I hate it, all at once, just like Marmite (I hate Marmite you see but I love twiglets, I didn’t say my life was easy!). Take Me Out is a bit like Cheesecake, I really Love it, but what it is made of – arghhhhhhhhhhhh! visions of hours on the treadmill and that fat dude on the biggest loser, sweating, it makes me think reasonably, ‘no Stephanie you don’t need to eat the whole thing, one slice is enough.’ Smile at oneself smugly for not being a massive fat pig! then your inner child stamps it’s feet and demands to eat the whole thing. My inner child mainly always wins, so there I am on Saturday nights, my cheesecake on my lap and Take Me Out on the TV.

Now my main problem with Take Me Out is the women, sorry women…… I just cannot work out who wants to go on tv every week, letting the world know they are single and putting the fate of love in the hands of Paddy Mcguinness and a date in Fernando’s, although they go on holiday now, slight upgrade I must admit.

Where are the dignified days of Blind date (mourn). America has the ‘Bachelor’ (although i have my own issues with that but that’s for another day), compared to our shoddy version with that twat from Made in Chelsea and Dating in The Dark. Cilla Black, times have changed 😦

So here peeps, my problems with Take Me Out-

– The women come across a tad desperate, especially the ones who have been there for weeks and leave their light on no matter what, he could have confessed to eating his toenails and she is not bothered, she just wants to get to Fernandos! he could be a pointy toed, cross-eyed pervert but she’s fed up of being there!!

– Some of the age gaps on the dates are ridiculous, love has no boundaries I know, but there are Laws!

– The VT section makes any normal person look like an utter Twat

– Some of the excuses for turning off the lights are just stupid!!  Can’t someone just be honest and instead of saying, oh that shirt you’re wearing is the wrong shade of pink, just say……….. Paddy I turned of my light because I JUST DON’T FANCY HIM.

– I do hate it when people turn off their lights after they found out about the person’s job. Come on girls, don’t make us seem shallow and superficial, unless he admits to eating little children and knocking over old grannies best to wait to turn off your light a little later.

– I also really hate it when the bloke is made to do a talent, we might as well be all shouting, ‘Dance Monkey Dance!!’

– Most of all I hate the cheesy chat up lines. On this show no one is safe, run for cover people, the women have cheesy lines all prepared and the bloke has them all up his sleeve too. Throwing them out there like a man throwing sweets at a fat persons convention, and they are being all gobbled up!! Surely one of them will throw up, I know i just did, all over my TV! and poor Paddy didn’t deserve that!!

So there phew rant over!!!!!! But despite these many reasons, I still watch it, I love it on some level, it’s like when I find receipts for a kebab after a night out, I am ashamed but at the shame time I can’t help myself!!!